5 Hilarious Mating Rituals In The Animal Kingdom

How to Flirt in the Wild

Humans put in a lot of effort to attract one another. We wear our nicest outfits, we spring for fancy dinners, and we tear out our hair wondering when to call back. But the animal kingdom has its fair share of complex—if not hilarious—rituals used to woo each other. We’ve rounded up five of the craziest examples.

1. Porcupine

Porcupines take golden showers to a whole new level. No, we’re not kidding. These pointy critters aim their urine at potential female mates, spraying them to gauge interest. If she doesn’t want anything to do with him, she’ll just shake off and carry about her day.

2. Jumping Spider

We’re not sure whether to admire jumping spiders or feel bad for them. Whenever males see a female, they immediately dive into an elaborate dance. If that wasn’t enough, the whole thing can last up to 20 minutes, so…hopefully, she’s interested.

3. White-Spotted Pufferfish

Pufferfish are the embodiment of “if he wanted to, he would.” These guys can spend upwards of a week crafting intricate geometric circles in the sand. The whole thing is meant to show off his fitness levels, which, in theory, would woo a female pufferfish and encourage her to lay eggs in the design. She has to accept first, though.

4. Hippo

Oh, you thought porcupines were bad? Sadly, female hippos have both number one and number two to worry about. (Though, to be fair, so does he.) Basically, when a male wants to mate, he sprays both in the hopes of attracting a female. If he does, she arrives and sprays him, too. And they say love is dead.

5. Sandhill Crane

Jumping spiders aren’t the only creatures with impressive dance moves. Sandhill cranes begin their courtship by tossing grass or dirt in the air. If that catches a female’s attention, he then embarks on a complex dance featuring spins and leaps.